I’ll Hold a Light for You

I have previously written about my experience with pregnancy loss, and I want to thank everyone for their love, support, and comments on that post.  I just found out that tomorrow, Wednesday, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  The idea is that people all over the world will light a candle at 7pm their time and that it will create a Wave Of Light in support of those that are grieving the loss of a little one.  I think this is a lovely idea, especially since miscarriage can feel so very lonely. It is one day for all those who have lost a baby to know that they are not alone and that their little one is gone but not forgotten.  If you would like more details or have recently suffered a pregnancy loss, this site has some good resources: www.october15th.com.

I am planning on spending an hour or so in thought, meditation, and prayer around 7pm by lighting a candle and holding our Hufflepuff in my heart (it might be a little later since I will start whenever Curly and Flopsy go to bed.) I would like to pause here and say unequivocally that every single day I am grateful for Curly and Flopsy, they are amazing little people, the lights of my life, and I love them more than I ever dreamed possible.  Even as I remember the hufflepuff, I know that had he/she gone to term I would not have my twins.  So this is not a time of wishing that anything had gone differently, I believe that the Hufflepuff was never meant for this world.  It is just a chance to acknowledge the loss of a little one I never got to meet but loved from the moment I saw that heartbeat on the monitor.  If you would like to join me (and everyone else participating) that would be wonderful.  I would also like to go one step further and for that, I need your help.

I once had a therapist tell me that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to “hold a light for them.”  Meaning that you sit and quietly listen to and support them without interrupting, judging, or giving your opinion.  Just be a place they can talk and feel safe.  I think it can also mean just quietly be someone who understands and sends them positive energy.  I would like to hold a light for anyone that would like me to by including specific names of my friends, family, and internet friends into my thoughts while I actually physically hold my candle.  If you aren’t religious, don’t worry, my prayers in this case will consist of briefly speaking the name of the parent and/or baby (or nickname) and holding them in my heart and thoughts for a moment while sending love, healing, and light to the family.

If you have lost a little one of any age, or know someone who has, and would like me to send a little love your way, let me know by commenting with whatever info you want to share- your name (or pseudonym), the baby’s name (or nickname), how many weeks you were, part of your story, or a link to something you have written about this topic.  This is open to anyone who feels a pregnancy or infant loss: miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, IVF babies that never grew, the miscarriage of a surrogate, or even if you terminated a pregnancy and want a little light shined your way, I am here for you.  My point is not to judge but to send a tiny bit of support in the best way I can think of.  You can comment here, on my Facebook page, on Twitter @natalieehowe, or if you prefer it to be private, at my email supercrazymommy@gmail.com.  And if you see these names and want to incorporate them into your own thoughts and prayers, or light a candle, or just send a little mental hug, I am sure that would be appreciated as well.  We who have lost a child in any form are a community who is here for each other, let’s remember that and give a little kindness to each other.

I'll hold a light for you

On October 15th, I’ll be holding a light for my Hufflepuff and I would be honored to hold one for you.

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6 thoughts on “I’ll Hold a Light for You

  1. Thank you for sharing your blog site with me and for reading my post on the Wave of Light. I’m so sorry for your loss. I, too, will add a prayer for your sweet one at 7pm tomorrow. Sending good thoughts and understanding your way.

  2. Hi Natalie, it’s Alix. What a thoughtful, loving post. You can shine some light my way, we were 9 weeks pregnant when we lost our first baby. For a while I wondered how long I’d feel like I had a hole in my heart, but now I know I do have a hole in my heart. It’s helpful to hear from all these other mamas. We miss you all, hope to see you sometime soon. xo

  3. Natalie, I just want to thank you again for texting me the link to your post and your thoughtfulness. You have no idea how much I needed it and how it changed the tides of the last 10 days. You are such a beautiful soul and I am so grateful that I had the chance to love on your littles and to make so many memories with your family during my Dallas Days. Andie

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