I have previously written about my experience with pregnancy loss, and I want to thank everyone for their love, support, and comments on that post. I just found out that tomorrow, Wednesday, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The idea is that people all over the world will light a candle at 7pm their time and that it will create a Wave Of Light in support of those that are grieving the loss of a little one. I think this is a lovely idea, especially since miscarriage can feel so very lonely. It is one day for all those who have lost a baby to know that they are not alone and that their little one is gone but not forgotten. If you would like more details or have recently suffered a pregnancy loss, this site has some good resources: www.october15th.com.
I am planning on spending an hour or so in thought, meditation, and prayer around 7pm by lighting a candle and holding our Hufflepuff in my heart (it might be a little later since I will start whenever Curly and Flopsy go to bed.) I would like to pause here and say unequivocally that every single day I am grateful for Curly and Flopsy, they are amazing little people, the lights of my life, and I love them more than I ever dreamed possible. Even as I remember the hufflepuff, I know that had he/she gone to term I would not have my twins. So this is not a time of wishing that anything had gone differently, I believe that the Hufflepuff was never meant for this world. It is just a chance to acknowledge the loss of a little one I never got to meet but loved from the moment I saw that heartbeat on the monitor. If you would like to join me (and everyone else participating) that would be wonderful. I would also like to go one step further and for that, I need your help.
I once had a therapist tell me that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to “hold a light for them.” Meaning that you sit and quietly listen to and support them without interrupting, judging, or giving your opinion. Just be a place they can talk and feel safe. I think it can also mean just quietly be someone who understands and sends them positive energy. I would like to hold a light for anyone that would like me to by including specific names of my friends, family, and internet friends into my thoughts while I actually physically hold my candle. If you aren’t religious, don’t worry, my prayers in this case will consist of briefly speaking the name of the parent and/or baby (or nickname) and holding them in my heart and thoughts for a moment while sending love, healing, and light to the family.
If you have lost a little one of any age, or know someone who has, and would like me to send a little love your way, let me know by commenting with whatever info you want to share- your name (or pseudonym), the baby’s name (or nickname), how many weeks you were, part of your story, or a link to something you have written about this topic. This is open to anyone who feels a pregnancy or infant loss: miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, IVF babies that never grew, the miscarriage of a surrogate, or even if you terminated a pregnancy and want a little light shined your way, I am here for you. My point is not to judge but to send a tiny bit of support in the best way I can think of. You can comment here, on my Facebook page, on Twitter @natalieehowe, or if you prefer it to be private, at my email firstname.lastname@example.org. And if you see these names and want to incorporate them into your own thoughts and prayers, or light a candle, or just send a little mental hug, I am sure that would be appreciated as well. We who have lost a child in any form are a community who is here for each other, let’s remember that and give a little kindness to each other.
On October 15th, I’ll be holding a light for my Hufflepuff and I would be honored to hold one for you.